As confused as ever...

Stuck inside St Pancras waiting for my much delayed train to Paris and the blog I just wrote was gone. Starting all over again. Great way to kill time. It's killing me too.

Well at least in between the 30 minutes I started my first attempt at this blog to now, my feelings are still the same. So this should be easy.

I'm still left wondering what happened last night. For the first time I was able to decipher the reason behind the difference between his actions and his words. It should have been easy right? We've dragged this on for so long now. It's beginning to feel quite epic. But this is not great love story. This is just two people extremely confused about each other's feelings and doing a bloody good job masking the raw emotions behind. For me that mask fell last night, and out it came the water works. And then more confusion follows.

I know these things aren't supposed to be easy. But this is not just "hard", this is chaos. Surely it wasn't the first time we've had this conversation, surely it wasn't the first time he's said what he's said and then went on to do totally different things. Surely by now, we would have worked things out? This is so frustrating. And if we've managed to drag this on for so long, then the who's-fault-it-was-te-last-time-round question would have to had expired by now, irrelevent to the current situation and have become a case of mea culpa, right? I can't be the only one here pushing it. No, it takes two. It absolutely does. And it's me that's being ripped apart now.

Confusion, frustration, sadness, pain, anger. I really do wish that two people can have this figured out.